Just be you.

       Ever since I was little, I've always been a really sensitive person. Every word, every facial expression, every hand gesture, had 3 million meanings. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but it’s hard to say it’s always a good thing.  I can’t help who I am. Just like everyone else, I sometimes wish I could be another person. Maybe someone that can stand up to people, or someone that didn't care so much about holding on to friendships that are hurting more than helping. I struggled with self-acceptance for a really long time. Up until about 2 years ago, I was pretty much doing everything I could to be exactly who people wanted me to be. I thought that if I could make everyone in the world happy, that it would make me happy too. That’s not really how it works. Though I had a lot of friends, I wasn't happy. The fact that I felt like I had to continue being the person they expected me to be, made me feel like I was living a double life. Like no one knew the real me. I kept telling myself: “well I can’t turn back now” or “what if they don’t like who I really am?”. Well…. God has an interesting way of changing a heart. God decided that there needed to be a change in my life. I think He knew that I wasn't going to do it on my own. Or that I didn't want to anyway.

 Sometimes we refuse to walk on the water, because the world tells us we will fall. Instead of trusting God, we trust the world. The world told me that the only way to have all the friends and be popular was to be someone else. But that’s not true at all. See, that change in my life, was moving to Georgia. Though I was completely against it at the time, I was completely unaware of why God wanted me here. Now, I am quite certain it was so that I could find myself. The first year of moving here, was extremely difficult. I can count on one hand how many friends I had. The time alone, actually benefited me. I started doing my devotions every day and spending time with God regularly.  The best friend that I could ever have is God. He will never leave me or forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). I needed that year, when I only had a few friends, to draw me closer to God. I think that God wanted me to be confident in who I am, and who I am in Him, before making more friends. He took everything that I loved in Pennsylvania, because He loves me and because he knows what’s best for me. This past year, God has blessed me with so many incredible people. I've made better friends this year than I have in my entire life.  But, I did learn some things last year…

1.    God created me who I am. No one can reach happiness through trying to be who they’re not.

2.    Your “true friends” will ALWAYS be there for you. If they’re not, then they are not true friends and you don’t need to be hanging out with them anyway.

3.    Your friends will love you for who you are. True friendship is friends going to Perk Avenue to get coffee with you because you refuse to drink Folgers(not the best part of waking up). It’s loving you even when you break out in Mary Poppins or singing Phantom of the Opera with you even when neither of you can sing opera….Its seeing a princess movie with you even though they really don’t want to see it but they see it anyway because you really want to wear your tiara. It’s also telling you that you are being really stupid or that you need to relax.

4.    When no one else is there for you, God will always be there. Next time you’re struggling with something and want to vent to someone about it.  Try telling it to God. No worldly friend can ever give you peace or help you through your struggles like God can.

5.    It’s okay to be alone. I've struggled with accepting this more than anything, because I hate feeling alone. When you lose friends, and have no idea why, maybe it’s God telling you to be content with just Him first? It’s important that we are confident in who we are and who God is first. If we are not thriving to put God before everything else, then we are not thriving for the right things.

 I am not saying it’s not important to have friends. Not at all actually! Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 say’s that two are better than one! It also says that it is important to have friends to lift you up in your walk with God. So, it IS Biblical and important to have friends. What is NOT Biblical, is to change yourself in order to attract a certain type of friends or to let your “friends” interfere with your relationship with God.

       This is just something that God laid on my heart today. Honestly, I love when God burdens my heart to say something. Though it’s not always comfortable, I know that God is trying to use me in some way. I just have to obey His leading.

Until next time,

Tory B.